


A State of Contentment

by Heart_Seoul_Soshi



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 15:33:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15464568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heart_Seoul_Soshi/pseuds/Heart_Seoul_Soshi
Summary: A sentence. Sometimes it was a string of words, threaded together either eloquently or ineloquently to make a point, state a fact. Sometimes it was a punishment, a grave penalty, ruthlessly condemning a villain to a grim fate. And sometimes, a sentence could be both. Evie had learned this the hard way, when one little string of words ineloquently blurted in a moment of blinding emotion condemned her to a fate with absolutely no remorse.Inspired by the lyrics of Ed Sheeran's "Happier".





	A State of Contentment

**Author's Note:**

> from requests on tumblr by anon and @someoneaskingaquestion

Evie really needed to stop. Really, really needed to stop. She knew this, she told herself this every single morning, long before her eyes even opened.  
  
 _Don't._  
  
 _Not today._  
  
Some mornings she would utterly beg, entirely with herself.  
  
 _Please, Evie! Don't!_  
  
 _Just this one day, that's all I ask!_  
  
Never did the shattered, dying heart inside of her ever get its wish. Her heart said "don't", but her head said "maybe".  _Maybe_  it had happened overnight, as she slept.  _Maybe_ today would be different.  _Maybe,_  just... _maybe,_ this was her chance.  
  
Yet it never was.

Every morning, first thing, before the sleep had even really cleared from her eyes, she was leaning out of bed and reaching for her phone, a terrible light stabbing at her squinting eyes because she never quite could remember to turn the brightness down before bed every night. Even with the phone snug in her palm her crying heart was there, pleading its worn-out "don't" for one last time before it was too late. But Evie never listened, and it was always too late.  
  
Mal hadn't texted overnight, as Evie slept. Today—just like yesterday, and the day before, and every other day before—would not be different. This was not Evie's chance. Waking up everyday to an empty phone as her proof that not a soul cared about how she'd fared through the night took a greater and greater toll on her with each rise of the sun, chipped away another chunk of that shattered heart. But like a fool, a veritable fool, still she continued to hope and try.  
  
Even though it was slowly but surely killing her.

All of it exactly the same, all the yesterdays, and the days before, and every single one of the other days before. Her empty mornings seemed almost countless,  _almost,_ but a smart and savvy girl such as Evie had a head for numbers. Today's happened to be thirty-one. Thirty-one days of the purposeful reach for the phone on the nightstand even though back, arm, and muscles alike strained and ached from equally "countless" restless sleeps. Thirty-one days of bright white light piercing almost mockingly at her eyes with the push of a button, laughing in her face before clearing away to reveal only the time, the date, and nothing else. No texts. No missed calls. Not even an errant voicemail.  
  
If it were anyone else, it would've been simply impossible. Perhaps they no longer shared a dorm, but still they shared a school, they shared a class here and there. It was inevitable, wasn't it? The awkward run-ins of Mal and Evie in the halls of Auradon Prep, in the dining room, the two of them trading their familiar desks in favor of those that sat on polar opposite sides of the classrooms they were meant to share? Inevitable only as far as anyone else but Mal was concerned. Mal of The Isle knew how to stay hidden when she wanted to hide, how to drop clear off the radar without a trace. If she didn't want Evie to be seeing her, then Evie wasn't going to see her, pure and simple. Thirty-one days without a trace of Mal would've made Evie's skin prickle and crawl if she didn't have assurances from literally everyone else that Mal was indeed out and about, very much alive, not mysteriously dead in a gutter somewhere.  
  
Very much alive, and very much determined to keep her distance from Evie.  
  
Of course, Evie couldn't text her first. One couldn't slice a heart clean in two and then spread salt onto the wounds, no matter how vile and villainous one's lineage. Especially when such a vile and villainous lineage had already played its part in ruining two lives to begin with. Evie knew she hadn't meant any of the horrible things she'd said...or at least, she truly liked to  _believe_  she hadn't meant any of them. Auradon had just been so grand and glamorous, and Mal had just been so...rough. A roughness that served well on the Isle of the Lost, snaring Evie's heart with a mischievous grin more than any too-white smile from a ridiculous prince ever could. And alas, Mal must have misheard her mother all those times she told her to worship evil, for "worship evil" eventually became "worship Evie", Evie who hadn't been a friend for very long but was far too beautiful and far too enchanting to stay one.  
  
Malevolence and evil went hand-in-hand, so naturally, Mal and Evie did too. Mal's new (and first, and only) girlfriend was the talk of The Isle, the hushed and whispered talk as they stormed the streets totally in command, totally feared.  
  
There were two sides to Mal, and Evie lived for both of them. The fist that curled in the face of some over-confident urchin was also the palm that softly cupped Evie's cheek as Mal greeted her with a grin and a "Hey cutie". The lips that sang Evie's compliments and praises also whipped out threats and lashing insults to the island denizens who found themselves woefully on Mal's bad side, and for that matter, the lips that also grimaced and scowled were the same lips that smiled and sighed into every kiss shared with Evie. The Isle of the Lost was by no means a paradise, but when Mal and Evie were together, they really didn't need one.  
  
Oh, how Evie's fingers hovered painfully over the letters as she sat up in bed with her phone held so tight in her hands. Perhaps a "Good morning", or a "Hi", or a "Mal?". Anything to get Mal talking to her in some way, Evie would settle for absolutely anything. Maybe talking was just too much to ask for, and Evie would surely be pushing her luck. But if Mal wouldn't talk, then maybe she would listen, and if Mal would only listen, then Evie could apologize. Really and truly apologize for what she'd said in a frustrated anger, in a moment of emotional recklessness that thirty-one days ago had Mal furiously calling it quits and walking out the door.  
  
Auradon had always been a secret dream of Evie's. Back on The Isle, when Evie's eyes weren't pensively lost on Mal, they were cast out across the bay to the towers and turrets and lushly green trees that pierced the kingdom's sky, dreaming of the land where princesses roamed and princes rollicked. She'd been raised to expect it, after all, every single step she took in life was supposed to lead her to a prince who would whisk her away to throne rooms and extravagant parties, balls and dances of only the highest caliber. Mal may have been the one who ended up whisking her away, but still the dream of lavish luxury and class ran through Evie's pretty head.  
  
When the news came that they would be given a chance to live in Auradon and prove themselves forces for good, there weren't words strong enough to describe the joy in Evie's heart. Her and Mal living in Auradon, dressing up for a grand ball and dancing in elegant whirls across a gleaming marble floor. The two of them ruling the way they ruled on The Isle, but with jewelry and fabulous dresses and dinner with royalty on priceless porcelain plates.  
  
Already the dream was coming true when an honest to goodness limousine glided to a stop in front of the castle of her girlfriend's mother, royal flags and all. They'd piled in with their friends Jay and Carlos, the four of them the first to be given their lucky trial run in Auradon.  
  
Second chances seemed to serve as one of the themes in Evie's life. She only prayed she could have one with Mal. Day thirty-one was weighing so very heavily on her, for while mother taught her everything about finding her prince, Evie never learned about losing them. Especially not about losing them in a fit of shouts and slammed doors and gut-wrenching words that shouldn't have ever been uttered in a place like Auradon. Auradon was grand and glamorous, but Mal was rough. Yes, that roughness served her well on the Isle of the Lost, but it was quick to become clear that there was no need for it within the walls of the kingdom. Not in Evie's general opinion, at least.  
  
Their arrival at the prestigious Auradon Prep came with literal fanfare, trumpets blaring and flags waving, and a personal welcome from Prince Benjamin himself. Here was one of the princes that Evie's steps were supposed to lead her to, but while she may have had no interest in snaring Ben with her hand snugly held within Mal's, still she strove for that coveted princess' life, and she very much felt a need to impress. Mal? Not so much.  
  
Mal had no qualms about being the walking personification of "Whatever" as she grudgingly shook Ben's hand and shot down his rather stuffed and pompous spiel about the uniting of peoples and momentous occasions. All Evie could do was turn her head and smile, a gesture to serve as her silent way of saying  _"That's my girl."_  Mal didn't care for the dorm room, either, with its fairytale chic and ludicrous amounts of sunlight. She didn't care for the dorm, but back then, Evie never imagined that Mal would one day care for the company inside it even less.  
  
Fairytale chic and ludicrous amounts of sunlight were all that greeted Evie this morning after she forced herself out of bed, leaving her phone behind on her pillow as she went to draw the curtains. Heavy eyelids after a horrendous night's sleep were a terrible thing to muddle through, and here was one of the few times in her life that Evie could ever be called clumsy or ungraceful, stumbling wearily around the room with every inch of her crying out to just crawl back into bed and pull the covers over her head. It would do little good, of course, Evie just didn't sleep well without Mal.  
  
It didn't feel real. Evie's head and Evie's heart just couldn't mesh, and although her mind knew that it was over, the searing pain in the center of her chest tried its darnedest to convince her that she and Mal were merely "on pause", that maybe if Evie could get her chance to make it up to her then Mal would sigh and smile and say that all was forgiven.  
  
They'd just begun to paint such a colorful canvas together, and now, everything was wiped blank. What was once a lock screen of a smiling Evie snuggled comfortably in a smiling Mal's lap was now a plain blue screen on Evie's phone, flashing that damnable time and date and glaring reminder of zero messages from Mal in her face. Mal's paints and brushes cleared away from the desk, her sketchbooks no longer peeking out from under her bed, ink pens and finely sharpened pencils gone from the nightstand on Mal's side of the room. Decidedly blank. No longer did Evie see shades of purple when she opened the closet or looked inside a dresser drawer, and the chirping of birds as Evie got ready in the mornings was a poor substitute for Mal's absentminded humming.  
  
If only Evie could just wake up to a text.  
  
The Villain Kids had all been subjects of interest after their arrival to Auradon, especially to Prince Ben. Ben, in all his extremely naive but pure-hearted eagerness, was ready to watch them all become pictures of goodness under the kingdom's guidance, to bridge the gap between Isle and Auradon.  
  
Evie was certainly no ditz, but oh how she thought she might actually faint when there at their spots in the dining hall sat proper invitations for all of them to join Ben and his parents for dinner that night. Just an evening of talk, of getting-to-know-yous, an unspoken peace treaty of sorts where the VKs could see that the royals weren't as bad as they'd believed, and where the king and queen could see that Evie and her friends were not their parents. The Evil Queen had trained her daughter well for this momentous day, and Evie was simply buzzing in Mal's ear about it all afternoon long.  
  
Maleficent's daughter was having a hard enough time at the desk focusing on her remedial goodness homework without Evie going on and on about dinner as they retreated to the dorm after the end of the school day, piecing together what she and Mal were going to wear by laying out clothes and accessories on the bed as she talked before mixing and matching to create the perfect looks. At first, Mal was just enjoying hearing Evie's voice and all the childlike excitement in it. Behind her was a very happy girlfriend, and a happy girlfriend made a happy Mal, but as the time passed, Mal grew to find herself dreading the evening just as much as Evie was anticipating it.  
  
Forks to the left and knives to the right, finding out there was a wrong way to eat soup with a spoon, finding out there were different kinds of spoons to begin with (only the supercilious jet-set would have one spoon for tea and another spoon for coffee), dressing up instead of dressing down, formally excusing yourself from the table...Mal was from a world where if you had to get up and go you got up and went. Her head spun. When she heard dinner, she thought tasty food, not asinine rules and procedures to utterly put her off her appetite.  
  
Evie could see the discontent souring Mal's face when they happened to meet each other's eyes after glances over their respective shoulders, and with a little sigh she urged her girlfriend to—for once in her life—just behave herself. It was a dinner with royalty, if they all impressed tonight there was no telling what other sorts of extravagant nights might be waiting in their futures. There was the first warning sign that neither of them recognized; Evie's tense and strained  _"Please behave"._  
  
Mal didn't behave if she didn't want to, and Evie adored her for it. The breaking of the rules, the scoffing at authority, doing everything her way and her way alone; that was Mal, and Evie found it so very attractive. Just not in front of the king, queen, and prince.  
  
Evie's time in front of the mirror in the morning seemed to grow longer and longer every day, as the sleepless nights piled up and the circles under her vibrant eyes grew darker. It took more makeup lately to bring out her pretty face, and without Mal there to drape her arms over Evie's shoulders and whisper  _"Morning, beautiful"_ in her ear, Evie felt her pretty face wasn't something so easily found anymore.   
  
Mal's objection to makeup extended only to herself, and the way Evie slowly but surely began to insist that Mal take a seat to be attacked by all manner of brushes and powders and colors almost every time they went to leave the dorm room. After a night of dining with the royals, Evie was steadfastly fixated on the fact that you never knew just  _who_  you might run into in Auradon, and a girl had to look her best in the event of a chance celebrity encounter. Mal didn't get why one of those girls had to be her, Evie certainly never had any complaints about her appearance before.  
  
Mal made Evie's canvas difficult to work with, what with her pouts and her scowls scrunching up her face. She was always told by her girlfriend that she was beautiful, stunning, even so very hot, and here was that same girlfriend now trying to paint even more beauty on like what Mal had wasn't enough. Evie promised her that wasn't it, but as she talked excitedly about impressing and wowing, Mal couldn't help but think that was  _exactly_  it.  
  
So Mal asked. Six months with Evie and still she had to ask. The eager princess froze with mascara wand in hand when Mal asked if Evie thought she was pretty. Evie's answer was quick, and vehement, and altogether a bit stunned that it had to be given in the first place.  _Of course_  she thought that, she thought it and so much more.   
  
Then why, Mal wondered, did she have to sit and be dolled up?  
  
She didn't, as a matter of fact, a point she came to realize when she and Evie had plans to leave Auradon Prep behind for a couple hours for a movie date. Evie twirled around the room, showing off her skirt for Mal, while Mal donned a beloved Isle jacket and swept her hair aside from the collar. Evie frowned, her gleeful little fashion show coming to a stop. Was that really what she was wearing? Mal assured her with a flat expression that it was, and as she caught Evie eyeing the closet she also assured her that she would  _not_ be changing. Evie hinted, of course, a sly little  _"Wouldn't you be more comfortable in this blouse? Or these nice dress shoes?_ " No, Mal wouldn't be more comfortable, and her words were clipped as she suggested that she and Evie just get going.  
  
Evie felt the tension, knew she was pushing it, and she did feel so bad about the way Mal gruffly shoved her hands into her jacket pockets and stayed fairly quiet the entire way to the movie. But when the theater went dark, and Mal's arm went around her, and they giggled quietly together as their fingers fought over who was going to get into the box of candy first, things didn't seem so bad anymore. Evie realized then how high-strung and silly she'd been, concerning herself with what important face they  _might_ run into at a pitch black theater, of all places, instead of concerning herself with the fun time she was going to have together with Mal.  
  
Bygones were bygones by the end of the night, when Mal crawled up from the foot of Evie's bed to smile and kiss her goodnight before crossing the room and tucking herself into her own bed. Evie hadn't wanted to let her leave, hugging her as they kissed and falling in love with the scent of her strawberry shower gel clinging to freshly washed pajamas. She wanted to curl close against Mal and close her eyes, listen to her breathing and heartbeat in her ear with the feeling of complete and total safety she always got in Mal's arms. That night was the first that she longed for such a thing, the first of many more to come.  
  
Waking up nowadays in not only an empty bed but an empty dorm, Evie longed for it more than ever.  
  
She sprayed the perfume that was Mal's absolute favorite as a sort of good luck charm, her daily hope and prayer that maybe day thirty-one would be the lucky day that she'd finally run into Mal and try to make amends. She didn't expect to bust through Mal's walls, all she asked for was a knock at the door, something small that Evie and her mournful, regretful heart could build on until she and Mal were okay again, ready to get back together. It would be no small feat, for Evie carried a very mournful and regretful heart indeed. So much so that she coveted the chance to carve it out and lock it within a musty box, whether for punishment or protection, she honestly didn't know.  
  
Evie hadn't meant to say what she did.  
  
She hadn't meant to do what she did, either, trying so hard to sand down Mal's rough edges just seemed practical now that they were in Auradon. The kingdom had different ways, and it was for all of the Villain Kids' benefits to adapt. The prince and his parents had their interested eyes on them; Mal, more than anyone, needed to sit right, look right, act right.  
  
Ben liked to check on them in the dining hall, sometimes at breakfast, sometimes lunch or dinner, but still he made a habit of it. Mal always knew when he was coming from the sudden sharp jab in her ribs, Evie's elbow telling her to hurry and get her own elbows off the table or put her napkin in her lap. Without fail, Mal would protest as she rubbed at her sore ribs, dragging the poor boys into it when she pointed out that Evie never bothered  _them_  to keep their elbows off the table, and inadvertently earning them Evie's scorn as well when she hissed at Jay and Carlos to follow suit before Ben reached them.  
  
They were little things, but they began to pile up more and more.  
  
Mal was crazy about Evie, wrapped around her little finger, naturally Evie had gotten away with all of it for as long as she did. If her girlfriend was happy, then Mal was happy, and what made her girlfriend happy was seeing Mal all pretty in dresses and heels, her hair done in buns or a braided updo. Mal despised the pinching heels and the frilly air of a princess, but it made Evie smile and breathe sighs of relief, so...  
  
Funny how seeing Mal standing in the doorway, leather jacket and torn jeans and all, was the one and only thing that would bring a smile and a sigh of relief to Evie now.  
  
It was a wonderful evening that Mal had planned. Ice cream, pajamas, blankets, a fat stack of movies. All she wanted was to cuddle close to Evie, comfortably on the bed, or maybe even  _in_  the bed, Mal certainly wouldn't be picky. Just her and Evie, no eyes on them, no one to impress or put on airs for tonight. She already had the tv on, flickering and waiting, when Evie walked in.  
  
Evie was supposed to remember the night in crystal clear detail for the cozy and comfy time she would have snuggled at Mal's side. Thirty-one days later, taking one last look at herself in the mirror as she clutched her first period textbook close to her heart, she remembered it in crystal clear detail for a different reason entirely.

* * *

 

"...Mal? What are you doing in your pajamas?" Evie curiously wondered with a smile, shutting the door behind her.  
  
"Waiting for you to change into yours."  
  
Mal held out her arms, and Evie was all too happy to hurry over and fall into them, ending up with her head in Mal's lap and purple nails running through her hair.  
  
"Movie night, you and me," Mal said. "We'll stay up late, spend Saturday sleeping in...what kind of ice cream do you want me to steal from the kitchens for you?"  
  
She could feel Evie suddenly still, as if holding her breath, afraid to breathe.  
  
"Not in the mood for ice cream?" Mal innocently guessed.  
  
Evie sat up, much to her girlfriend's dismay, repositioning herself to sit cross-legged before Mal on the bed.  
  
"M, could we take a raincheck on that?" she nervously bit her lip, anxious concern spelling itself out across her expression.  
  
"Where does that word even come from? Raincheck. Who came up with that?" Mal idly wondered, overcome with inappropriate curiosity at the most inopportune time.  
  
"Mal..."  
  
Her straying mind was tugged back to reality on a short leash when she felt Evie's hand curling around hers. In an apologetic squeeze. Mal was well-accustomed to all the different kinds of ways that Evie could squeeze her hand.  
  
"...I mean, I was just really looking forward to it, I had the movies all picked out and everything...but yeah, if that's what you want," Mal murmured.  
  
"Oh, no, we can still have a date night tonight, I just meant that Ben's having a dinner party this evening and  _we're_  the guests of honor!!" Evie announced, bouncing on the bed just like a child.  
  
Mal didn't know what to say for a moment, and then a moment more.  
  
"...We?" she eventually managed.  
  
"You, me, Carlos, and Jay! Mal, this is great!! All of Ben’s friends will be there, all of Auradon's royalty!" Evie squealed, clapping her hands. "Ariel and Eric's daughter Melody, Chad Charming, Audrey, Jasmine and Aladdin's son, Princess Tiana's daughter, the whole royal crowd! And it's going to be on a  _ship,_ Mal, down at the King's harbor. Can you imagine? Dinner, dancing on the deck, mingling under moonlight and starlight and—"  
  
"And I'm sure there's another entire set of ridiculous rules for dinner at sea, isn't there?" Mal snapped. "Or for behaving on a stupid boat? Are you going to tell me they have a spoon for seafood now, too?? What, Evie? What more could there possibly be?!"  
  
Mal's sharp tongue had made the occasional appearance in Auradon, yes. But never, ever, had Evie been on the receiving end of it. The startled shock in her eyes was quickly reflected back in Mal's, but only briefly, just a fraction of a second before she was petulantly casting her glance off to the side and letting her sharp tongue dull but not altogether cease to cut.  
  
"...I'm sorry, but this is just  _tiring._ All you ever care about is the opinion of those stupid royals. We aren't them, E."  
  
"Exactly," Evie tensely said, her hand leaving Mal's to instead bundle the covers beneath her in a fist. "If we aren't up there with them, with the castles and crowns and the status, then we're just the kids from The Isle, and nothing more."  
  
"No we're not," Mal narrowed her eyes at her. "We aren't just 'the kids from The Isle'. We're Mal, Evie, Jay, and Carlos. Your friends. And in case you've forgotten, I'm your girlfriend, not your dumb little doll."  
  
Mal threw her legs over the edge of the bed and stood up, not quite sure where in the room she was storming to but knowing she just didn't want to sit there anymore.  
  
"...What are you talking about?" Evie whispered, curling the sheets even tighter in her fingers.  
  
"You putting me in all those skirts and heels and things! Wasting all my time in front of the mirror every morning because you think I should be wearing makeup and lipstick for your royal crowd and then coming at me later at dinner with your 'Auradon ladies don't leave lipstick on their glasses'."  
  
"Mal, I'm just—"  
  
"You're just trying to make me 'pass' for the royals, like I don't pass already."  
  
"You—"  
  
Evie stopped herself short, horrified at how an agreement of  _"You don't"_  was almost spoken into the air.  
  
"You're just...rough around the edges," she said instead, salvaging the situation.  
  
"Yeah, you used to like that about me," Mal bitterly spat, crossing her arms as she stood at one of the windows and glared out into the night.  
  
Evie was quick to get up from the bed too, going to stand behind Mal and hold her carefully by the waist.  
  
"I still do," she gently told her. "Mal, I like your rough edges. But—"  
  
"You know I never felt beautiful until you?" Mal's voice was suddenly hushed. "Never cared if I did or if I didn't, either. But when you told me that I was, I believed you, except that now with you caking all that ridiculous makeup on my face and changing my clothes, I'm not exactly sure I believe it anymore."  
  
"M, don't say that," Evie pleaded, hugging her from behind.  
  
Mal wrenched herself free from Evie and stepped away, eyes flashing.  
  
"Well what else am I supposed to say? What else am I supposed to  _think_  when I'm the only one you pick on?? I don't see you trying to force the boys into things like tuxedos and shiny cuff links, or making Jay give up Tourney for crap like croquet or polo. Just me. You want me to be an Auradon lady, but I'm not! I start my fights  _and_  I finish them, I'm not a lady!"  
  
"...Well it certainly wouldn't hurt for you to start acting like one once in a while," Evie argued, her eyes hardening. "This isn't the Isle of the Lost, you can't just go around throwing your fist and throwing your shouts into everyone's faces!"  
  
"I don't get a chance to do that anymore with you around, do I? Can't even have my elbows on the table anymore because heaven forbid someone royal looks our way and finds me being  _comfortable!"_  
  
Mal stormed away a second time, again with no particular destination in mind, just stomping back and forth across the room in a wild pace, something to keep her moving lest her energy find more violent outlets.  
  
"You are unbelievable," Evie snapped, eyes following Mal's back and forth trek across the carpet. "All I want is to have a better life here in Auradon, and I want you to have one with me."    
  
"I already have a better life. A soft and warm bed. Fresh food. A girlfriend who likes my dark nail polish and my ripped shirts, and the way I don't say please and thank you. Have you seen her, by the way? Let her know I'm looking for her."  
  
Evie bristled mightily at Mal's attitude.  
  
"You don't have to be so nasty about it," she coldly informed her.  
  
"Because you don't like it when I'm nasty. You'd rather I be all sweet and dainty."  
  
"I would not!"  
  
"You wouldn't? Fine. Then tell me, what am I going to wear to dinner? What I want? Or what  _you_  want? Think, Evie, think about how that makes me feel. All you've been doing is changing me, like you don't even want to be seen in public with Mal, you want to be seen with Lady Mal, or Princess Mal. It makes me feel like you don't care about me for who I really am!!"  
  
"Who you really are is a rotten, brutish villain who's never going to be trusted here!!"  
  
Evie hadn't meant to say it. Yet, in a fit of emotion and a storm of irrational thought, she said it anyway. Mal stopped dead in her tracks, pacing no more. Evie had known her girlfriend to hurt, wounding others with war and words alike, but she'd never known Mal to  _be_  hurt. The shock of pain flickered across Mal's face for a moment before she smothered it where it lay, the dorm room seeming to go very cold as she did so as if she'd also smothered a fire in the process.  
  
"...That's what you think of me," Mal didn't phrase it as a question, for she didn't need to. It seemed that Evie had made it perfectly clear.  
  
There, in the frightening silence, was Evie's chance to apologize, perhaps her one and only chance. The emotion and irrational thought had overtaken her, wrenched out words that couldn't possibly be felt, not with the fierce way that Evie cared for Mal. She needed to apologize, to tell Mal that it wasn't true and that she was terribly, tremendously beyond sorry so the dead air around them could settle and amends could be made.  
  
"...Well what else am I supposed to think?"   
  
Seemed she was still dreadfully under the thrall of emotion as she cruelly twisted and echoed some of Mal's earlier words, throwing them right back in her utterly stunned face all while fighting back a quivering lip as her heart recognized that her one chance had slipped right through her grasp.  
  
"...I was hoping that you might see me as Mal. Not stick me with labels of villain or lady, evil or good. Guess that was stupid of me."  
  
Another ugly silence stilling the dorm room. So many things screamed within Evie at once, she couldn't sort through the din to figure out what it was she should say, or should do.  
  
So she said and did nothing.  
  
"You know what I think, Evie?" Mal spoke flatly, everything about her voice and entire demeanor completely bereft of any warmth. "I'll tell you what I think. I think I'm done. And I think  _we're_  done. Give my oh-so-gracious greetings to your stupid dinner party."  
  
It didn't matter to her that she'd already made herself comfortable in her pajamas, not in the slightest. Mal walked out anyway, shouldering past Evie like the rotten brute she apparently was and leaving the room behind with a vicious slam of the door.  
  
Evie hated the disgusting kind of silence that followed, the sickening kind that rang a high-pitched scream in her ears. Mind and body stuttered together, refusing to process.  
  
What... _was_  that? Did she really just...lose Mal? That couldn't have just happened. There was no way. Something had gone horribly wrong in their conversation tonight, yes, but it couldn't have been that. She and Mal couldn't have broken up, not that easily. There were too many hugs, smiles, kisses, and laughs between them. There was too much of  _everything_ between them for it to end so suddenly. Evie didn't know what just happened there in their dorm, but she knew she couldn't afford to drive herself absolutely mad puzzling over it, peeling away the thick layers of fog in her head until the answer was alarmingly there in front of her.  
  
As numb legs carried her to the closet to pick out her best and most extravagant hand-sewn dress, she knew she had a dinner to get to. She and her friends were the guests of honor, after all.  
  
She'd just have to tell them that Mal wasn't feeling well.

* * *

 

8:31 a.m.  
  
The number seemed to be haunting her now. Running late because of all the extra time needed to hide those dark circles, Evie had nine minutes to get to first period. Plenty of time, but still, she didn't like cutting it so close. Crossing the lawn would get her to class faster, not to mention that she relied on the fresh air and sunshine to clear her head each morning. She had so much hope yet so much dread that she might run into Mal that every walk to every class was nerve-wracking. Her tight grip on her textbook was a bit of a safety net, a need to comfortingly hug something and to keep her hands preoccupied while her bag hung from a shoulder.  
  
Sometimes she would rehearse in her head what she might say if she did happen to see Mal. Evie knew all too well from the dead and silent phone sitting in her bag that Mal had no interest in speaking to her, but if they were face to face, then just maybe...  
  
There were so many ways that Evie wanted and needed to apologize. Something deep and dark, some lingering remnant of The Isle had dredged those awful words up and forced them past her lips. Mal would undoubtedly tell her that she wouldn't have said them if she didn't feel them on some level, and perhaps there was indeed a shred of truth to that. Maybe Evie really did think that Mal was a rotten and brutish villain who had no place in Auradon—but that didn't mean she cared about her any less.  
  
A rotten Mal was the one who caught Evie's eye back on The Isle, with her sexy sneers and flames of sharp sarcasm burning on the tip of her tongue. Maybe she was brutish, but only when she had to be, as her first line of defense against threat and danger large or small. She was certainly never a brute to Evie, not with her hugs so big for such a small body and her touches always gentle. By blood, Mal was a villain, but by heart she was exactly what she wanted to be—simply Mal. A Mal that left Evie without words to describe the warmth inside her that flared to life when they were close together, or blazed even brighter with yearning when they were apart. Much like the way it was blazing bright within Evie now.  
  
She was infatuated with all of Mal, good and bad, light and dark. Someday, she even could've fallen in love with her, so very easily. Evie would like to see that day, if only she could just see Mal first.  
  
Although her walks to class were often undergone with her head deep in thought, body trusted to run on autopilot, still her senses would take in the morning around her. The blue of the sky and the white gold of the sunlight, the sound of leaves rustling and the bending of beautifully green grass on the lawn. She would gladly lose her head in the clouds if they kept it away from her phone. The colors were a relaxing sight; blue, white gold, green, vivid brights and soft pastels of flowers dotted here and there.  
  
And a spot of purple, breaking the symmetry of the green out of the corner of Evie's eye so smoothly that she almost would've mistaken it for a simple hydrangea bush.  
  
With the terrible sleep she'd gotten as of late, Evie knew it was no dream.  
  
Thirty-one days later, she saw Mal. There at the edge of the lawn, close to the school as she too made her way to her first period class. She was beautiful, looking just like Evie so wanted to see her. Her boots treading along the grass, a t-shirt hanging comfortably on her with the sleeves flared out like dragon wings, a favorite Isle style of Mal's. That was how she was supposed to look. Her own clothes, her own aura.  
  
Her own smile as Prince Ben, close at her side with an arm around her waist, said something amusing that must have made her laugh.  
  
Flames burning around Evie's heart with thoughts and longings for Mal were doused with ice water that froze both inside and out, halting her feet right in their tracks as she morbidly gazed on and went numb to the instinct to look away.  
  
One month after blade-like words and a breakup so jarring that Evie was still deadened to the reality of it, all she could think about was earning Mal's heart back and carefully mending the tears. Seemed that Mal, one month later, had already moved on.  
  
Evie's world felt like it shattered around her as Mal and Ben walked on without a care, Mal's smile the soft and genuine one that teased at her dimples and always made Evie melt. Mal and Ben. Ben and Mal. The names echoed through Evie's head until they lost all meaning.  
  
The ancient stone walls of Auradon Prep were her only salvation when the two disappeared inside through the doors, their eyes never leaving each other's faces as they talked. It was a sickening shock that jolted through Evie when she realized she couldn't remember the last time Mal's smile was so pure and carefree with her. Even the prince, who—in the time Evie had spent coveting his friendship—always seemed to flash a smile that was weighed down by the pressures of the kingdom. Not so much now with his arm holding Mal close.  
  
Evie was so blind.    
  
Through some kind of will or strength she didn't even know she had, Evie held it together through the entire school day, even though the sick and burning sting of lurking tears never left its spot sitting squarely in the center of her chest. On her bed was where she stayed after rushing to the dorm after the day's last period, hugging her knees close and filling the air with wet and sniffling sobs. Of course Mal wouldn't wait for her. Of course Mal wouldn't even entertain the idea of taking her back.   
  
Mal's heart was not something so easily unlocked, and Evie was the first one to ever hold the key, keeping her heart safe and warm until the night when one furious sentence bashed the door down and destroyed everything inside. Mal wouldn't want an apology, would never care for one. Mal would leave her behind the same way she left behind everything else that served as no value to her. Second chances would do Evie no good here. And there were fewer pains greater than knowing this was all entirely her fault.  
  
She stopped keeping track of the days after that, either purposely or in some kind of dazed distraction and forgetfulness. So when the broken-hearted courage of having nothing to lose brought her to Mal's locker one day, she'd already forgotten how long it had been since all her dreams burned there on a grassy lawn.  
  
"...Hi, Mal."  
  
Her throat was dry as if she hadn't spoken at all that month, or month and a half, or however long it had been. Another textbook was flush against her chest as her hands desperately needed a safety net, fingers and knuckles going white with the tight grip she kept on it.  
  
Mal didn't see her approach, or know she was there in the slightest until the ever-so-tentative "Hi, Mal", but there was barely a reaction at all as she cast a glance over her shoulder to see Evie's face even though there was absolutely no mistaking that voice.  
  
"Hey," she dully answered. Her attention was too focused on digging things out of her locker to be given to Evie at the moment.  
  
All the rehearsing, all the expectant planning, and yet Evie had no idea what to say.  
  
"...I've seen you with Ben."  
  
Well, it was something.  
  
Mal's slamming locker was a startling echo of the door she slammed on her way out of the dorm the night the evil in Evie's veins boiled just too close to the surface.  
  
"Yeah, what of it?!" she demanded.  
  
If Evie wanted to accuse her of being brutish, then curse it all, Mal would  _be_ brutish. And it worked like a wicked charm, making Evie shrink back in fright like her book would make a proper shield against the flames of a dragon.  
  
"Nothing, I just...how long have you been seeing him? Are you even seeing him? Or are you two just—"  
  
"I don't think any of those things are remotely your business."  
  
No, Evie supposed they weren't. Mal indulging her curiosity anyway was either her way of cruelly rubbing it in or her way of simply giving in to a flight of fancy and deciding to entertain a moment of mercy the way a snarling creature might decide to still for a moment.  
  
"I guess  _someone_ went to Ben's party a while back and told him one of his guests of honor didn't feel good and had to skip out on dinner. He came to check on me later, went up and down all of Auradon Prep to find me. I told him everything. And when he told me that bringing Isle kids over was never about turning them into Auradon kids, I gotta say, it was a nice thing to hear."  
  
Evie hung her head, weighed down with the utmost guilt.  
  
"Notice that Ben doesn't care if my shoes are spiked, or if my color is purple, not pink. Or lilac, baby blue, 'eggshell white', or any of those other stupid colors you always put me in. And he doesn't care if I don't have a mound of makeup stuck onto my face. So much for all your hard work, E. You wasted both of our hours with your knack for royal makeovers. Ben doesn't  _care_ that I don't look or act like a princess. You know what he does care about? That I'm comfortable being me."  
  
Evie had to be brave. She couldn't let her eyes cloud, or her lip tremble.  
  
"...I'm just glad to see you happy, Mal. It feels like it's been so long since I've seen you, and I'm relieved that the first time I do is when you're wearing a smile."  
  
"Yeah, well, it's an easy thing to do around Ben."  
  
It used to be an easy thing to do around Evie, too.  
  
Jay and Carlos were used to seeing Evie's glum face by now, but still they noticed how everything about her demeanor dragged down further and further lately.  
  
"...Hey, I know it sucks, but it'll be okay," Jay said to her at lunch one afternoon, in between French fries. "You really liked Mal, and she really liked you too, but you'll find someone else."  
  
"And there's no reason the two of you can't stay friends, right?" Carlos added, his smile nervous as he watched his words take their toll on Evie.  
  
If only the well-meaning boys knew just how unhelpful they really were.  
  
Evie didn't want to find someone else, she wanted  _Mal._  Mal drawing beside her or Mal with her head in Evie's lap as she was lulled to sleep by the tv droning on and on. She didn't want to be Mal's friend, friends didn't kiss and giggle into the crooks of each other's neck, or trace the tenderest of patterns along the backs of each other's hands as they sat with wandering minds in the middle of a class. Ben would have all of that soon, the kisses and the laughs, tender touches and Mal's head in his lap. And even if he didn't, someone else would someday. But not Evie.  
  
Not Evie.  
  
It was a strange and cruel joke being pulled on her by the universe, the way she went forever without laying eyes on Mal and now suddenly she was seeing her everywhere she turned, albeit with Ben at her side. Even when she didn't see them, Evie was still painfully aware of Mal's presence now.  
  
Somehow, Evie hadn't caught her when Mal had come to move all her things out after apparently running a dorm change past Fairy Godmother. She was good at laying low like that. Evie had simply opened the door one day after class and found everything gone. But now that seeing her and talking to her had her on Evie's brain with ten times the force, it seemed that not everything of Mal's was gone after all. The window where the two would stand on clear nights and gaze peacefully out at the stars, the lamp that was clicked on to guide Evie across the room in the dead of night whenever Mal had a nightmare, the exact spot on the ceiling that Evie could amazingly pick out from the rest of the ceiling because it was where she and Mal would always stare as they laid on a bed and just talked for hours.  
  
Evie had ruined it. The window, the lamp, the spot on the ceiling, all they did was bring her pain now, the same way she'd brought Mal pain. And Mal didn't deserve any of that. For all the darkness rooted inside her, Mal was such a light, such a beaming beacon of happiness in Evie's life that everything was so much dimmer in her world now that she was gone.  
  
Everything, save for one glistening fact.  
  
Mal was happy now, Evie could see it. Really happy. No longer pressured to keep up a struggling smile or the dwindling threads of a relationship with someone who demanded what she didn't have and shouldn't have to give. It didn't get anymore bearable as days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into measures of time that Evie didn't even want to think, let alone say aloud. Nothing close to bearable even though she was used to seeing Mal and Ben squeezed together at lunch, sharing strawberries with one another. Nothing close to bearable when Evie passed by the Tourney field after school and heard Mal in the stands, cheering for Ben as the team practiced. Ben's face on the tv for royal affairs with Mal on his arm, not made into a pretty princess for the cameras, but presenting herself exactly as she wanted to, Isle style and all.  
  
She wasn't a rotten, brutish villain who would never be trusted in Auradon. She was Mal. That was the truth she had wanted Evie to see back in the dorm room on that grimly fateful night, but far too late had Evie really seen it. Mal was perfect, exactly as she was. And what Evie wouldn't give for the chance to hold her, and kiss her, and whisper that sentiment into her ears over and over again as she cried out the knot of regret and remorse that had twisted itself tight around her heart.  
  
Maybe Evie couldn't hold her, couldn't kiss her, but still, after all this time, she was clinging to something that Mal so desperately and unequivocally deserved.  
  
An apology.  
  
Mal appeared beyond irritated that day at breakfast, annoyed mainly with herself for agreeing to meet and talk with Evie in the first place. Evie failed to hold her attention as they sat across from one another at the table, Mal's beautifully bewitching eyes looking around and past her in what were clearly efforts to watch for Ben as the dining hall filled with sleepy morning faces.  
  
"...M?"  
  
Her feeble voice was a futile attempt to bring Mal's focus back to her.  
  
"Just make it fast, Evie," Mal granted her a split-second of a glance before she went back to keeping an eager eye out for her prince.  
  
"...I can't make it fast. This is something I really have to say to you, so if you have someplace else you'd rather be right now, I'll just...I'll let you go."  
  
Those words with their horrid double meanings tripped Evie up before they even made it past her lips. Mal's sigh was heavy, still annoyed, yet also resigned.  
  
"Fine. I'm listening."  
  
There they were, the beautifully bewitching eyes trained right on Evie now. Evie laughed quietly to herself just then. She wasn't at all sure why.  
  
"Of course you're listening, Mal.  _I_ was the one who was never listening. You were practically screaming for me to listen to you, and I never heard."  
  
"You only heard what you wanted to hear," Mal sharply said.  
  
"...I know," Evie whispered. "...I wanted to hear that everything was okay. That you liked the makeup, and the dresses. I wanted to hear that we'd be just like a fairytale, all glittering and magical, but we're not, Mal. We're our own story. I realize that now."  
  
"Do you realize you're speaking in the present tense?"  
  
For the first time since it all happened, Mal didn't say her words with malice, or a sharp bite. Even though she had every right and reason to, this time she didn't. It was gently, sympathetically, maybe even... _sadly,_  that she brought Evie's attention to the tense of her words, how she spoke like the two of them were still an ongoing adventure and not a chapter that had come to a close.  
  
Evie's parted lips shut with an expression that read like she'd just been struck through the heart with a glinting arrow, a feeling which really wasn't too far off the mark.  
  
"...Mal, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"  
  
"...It's okay."  
  
"Sometimes it just doesn't feel real, M. It feels like we're just...on hold, waiting for each other to cool down before we say even more things we really regret."  
  
"We're not on hold, Evie. We're done."  
  
Gently. Sympathetically. Bluntly.  
  
"...We're done because I hurt you. In a terrible, horrible way that I never meant to do. My head and my heart, they were chasing after two different things. My head wanted the castles, and the status, everything it was always taught to want. My heart? ...My heart wanted you."  
  
Evie always imagined that she could fall in love with Mal someday. Perhaps that day unintentionally came sooner than she ever expected.  
  
"...Why didn't you listen to your heart, E?"  
  
Mal surprised them both with the glisten in her eyes. With the walls lowering and the remorse shining through, the heartbroken sadness of both letting go and being let go. Another stretch of dry laughter from Evie, mocking her terribly in a moment that wasn't amusing in the slightest.  
  
"You know me, Mal...my family has always had issues with hearts."  
  
Mal hadn't come to this expecting to cry. Leave it to Evie to always throw a wrench in her plans.  
  
"...Mal, I am  _so_ sorry," Evie finally wrenched the words free, only the most minuscule of weights lifting from her chest. "I'm sorry for what I said to you and I'm sorry for what I did to you. M, you are... _perfect._  In every way. Ever since that night all I've wanted was to see you exactly as you are. I didn't want to see Princess Mal with the braided buns and the ballgowns, or Lady Mal with the proper table manners...I just wanted to see Mal. Mal with a smile on her face...you have Ben now, so I guess I should at least be grateful that he's the reason I get to see that Mal."  
  
"...I have Ben now."  
  
Mal repeated the words to herself, like a reminder. Something that had slipped her mind and was brought back front and center.  
  
"I'm glad that he sees what I was too stupid and selfish to see, and I'm glad that he treats you exactly as you should be treated, but..." Evie's lip began to tremble. She couldn't stop it. "...Mal, I miss you."  
  
Mal didn't say it back. Perhaps she  _couldn't_  say it back.  
  
"I know better now, I really, really do," Evie said as she furiously wiped at her eyes, Mal's silhouette blurring crazily. "...What do I have to do to earn a second chance with you?"  
  
Mal's gruff and brusque tone didn't match the tears in her eyes.  
  
"Evie, you can't just—!!" she stopped herself, taking a flustered and frustrated moment to gather her thoughts. "I'm with Ben, okay? I  _like_  being with Ben! He wasn't just 'holding your place' or whatever until I decided I wanted you back! I know that you're sorry. I know that you understand your mistakes now...but I moved on, Evie. I don't want to go back. I'm fine where I am."  
  
Without Evie.  
  
"...Well," Evie sniffed, mustering the absolute bravest of smiles. "As long as you're happy."  
  
"I am."  
  
"...Then I am too."  
  
"...Could've fooled me."  
  
"No, really," Evie struggled to wipe her eyes clear again, the back of her hand soaked. "I see you with Ben, the way you laugh, and hold him close. I'm  _so_  glad that you have that, you deserve it and so much more."  
  
Mal was at a total loss for words.  
  
"...I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for everything, Mal. No one should ever change you."  
  
"Ben won't," Mal assured her.  
  
"Then I'm glad you have him. Really."  
  
Evie could say the word 'really' all she wanted to. It wouldn't stave away the tears in her eyes or the suffocating tightness in her chest.  
  
"...There's Ben now," Mal announced, catching sight of him across the dining hall.  
  
Evie turned to look over her shoulder, and yes, there he was indeed. Mal slowly stood up from the table, tucking the chair in after her.  
  
"Thank you, Evie. For apologizing."  
  
"...Of course," Evie whispered.  
  
Silence. Mal's eyes spent the dead and still silence darting back and forth from Ben to Evie. Evie's eyes were only on Mal.  
  
"I'll see you around," Mal said, deciding to let her gaze permanently settle on Ben as she spoke.  
  
"Yeah...I'll see you."  
  
Ben had a big hug waiting for Mal when they met on the other side of the room. A kiss, too. Mal fell into it with a giggly, almost swooning sort of laughter that once upon a time was reserved only for Evie.  
  
Once upon a time. Mal and Evie were the once upon a time. Mal and Ben were the happily ever after. And even if they weren't, somewhere down the line, another would be Mal's happily ever after. But not Evie. Never again Evie.  
  
Friends told her she too would have her own happily ever after someday, but Evie knew better.   
  
Mal was her happy ending, and nothing, nowhere, would ever compare. Evie had gone and ruined it, one angry sentence out of her mouth was the sentence she was forever condemned to. Condemned to watch Mal move on, blissfully sigh in another's arms, grow further and further away from her. If only Evie could have drowned out all the noise in her head, the chattering and incessant noise telling her that the castles and the status would be hers only if she molded Mal to fit their regal statures, turned Mal into something she didn't need to be. If only she had listened to her heart, and what it was telling her—that she loved Mal exactly as she was, and wouldn't sand down those endearingly rough edges of hers for all the castles in all the kingdom.  
  
If only.  
  
Mal said she was happy. Evie said she was happy, too.  
  
But one of them was lying.  
  
And Evie, alone and heartbroken as her future walked away from her in a prince's strong embrace, knew exactly which one of them it was.


End file.
